It takes a lot for me to tell someone that they’ve had too much to drink. But when you’re 40 years old, 300 bills and crawling on the streets around Wrigley Field, you’ve had too much to drink.

Unfortunately, I think this is what I must act like after Oklahoma loses to Texas. (A much sexier, hornier version, of course.) Where is this guy’s group? Surely he didn’t roll out there like that alone. What a bunch of a-hole friends.

Spoiler: That chick to the right isn’t in the video … anywhere.

Anyway, check out the scene after the jump and I apologize in advance for the flesh. It’s nauseating. No, really, it is.

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What, you thought OU’s basketball season couldn’t get worse? You were clearly wrong. According to TMZ — and they don’t tend to eff around much — a $3,000 wire transfer was deposited into the joint savings account of Keith “Tiny” Gallon and his mother, Sylvia Wright.

As for who gave Keith the dough — the document shows it’s Jeffrey Hausinger, a Merrill Lynch financial advisor who reps several professional athletes.

It’s a violation of NCAA rules for any player or player’s relative to receive money that isn’t readily available to other players — for example, a student loan or scholarship. We’re told the rule clearly prohibits any agent, lawyer or financial advisor from trying to lure a player with money.

I guess my follow-up question is, why hasn’t TMZ been all up in the ass of the USC football program. Oh, because they’re in the same city and probably don’t want to risk the chance they can’t party with them? OK, yeah, that does make sense.

Anyway, as bad as this season is, and assuming this turns out to be a violation, it may be time to clean house and take our lumps. This program is an embarrassment. And it hurts me to even say that.

Red Dirt Lovelies,

Last Saturday, DM, MK, myself  and everyone else in Dallas with the desire to get shitcaned before noon was out gallivanting  down Greenville.

And boy did we get shitcaned.

You know a day’s going to go well when you pound three Bloody Marys by 10:30 am, and take a walk with a fourth to go see a parade of drunken idiots throwing Jello shots (cue MK’s float), cops posing with half un-dressed (I like my cup to be half full) whores, and teeny children scared shitless by their parent’s overzealous excitement for beads.

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I’m not sure how many of you kids are familiar with Chat Roulette. But the gist of it is that you visit ChatRoulette.com and it connects you via Web cam to random strangers.

Now, in my limited experience, this often results in a disconnect or fat white dude slapping his salami. Not something anyone wants to see.

But Piano Chat Improv Guy — AKA Merton — flipped everything on its beak. Like the name implies, he’s set up with a piano and just starts playing made-up songs to random-oids. Think Flight of the Conchords on a Web cam.

I’d suggest you visit the chat sight first to understand whats it’s about — really, 2-3 minutes is more than enough. Then go check out the PCIG. Acronyms tell the kids I’m cool.

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See what I did there?

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