Don’t Forget To Cup The Balls

I use the term “metaphorical BJ” rather liberally. I’ve used it to describe Hollywood’s obsession with Obama. I’ve used it to describe the media’s obsession with Brett Farve. Now, I will use it to describe the local media’s obsession with Vince Young.

No doubt he was a great college football player for a season and a game. (Note I used the term “player” and not “quarterback.”) Despite his pedestrian statistics at the University of Texas for all but 14 games, the Houston Oilers Tennessee Titans drafted him with the third pick in the 2006 NFL draft. He proceeded to win NFL ROY with this shit-ass stat line:

51.5% completion percentage
2,199 yards passing
552 yards rushing
12 TDs passing
13 INTs
12 fumbles (3 lost)

He started 13 games. That’s an eye-popping 169 yards passing per game and 42 yards rushing per game. Did he improve in his second year?

62.3% completion percentage
2,546 yards passing
395 yards rushing
9 TDs passing
17 INTs
10 fumbles (3 lost)

He started 15 games. That’s an eye-poppier 169 yards passing per game and 26 yards rushing per game. AND … about 2/3 of a TD per game. Dude’s QB rating in those 2 years? 68.9.

Now the Wonderlick Kid has gone straight loco:

The club released a statement on Tuesday [September 9th], detailing the situation.

“Not having all the facts available to us and approaching the matter prudently, we contacted Metro Police to make them aware of the situation and asked for their assistance in locating Vince. He was located at a friend’s house, where we made contact with him. He then came to the practice facility where it was determined that those initial concerns by his friends and family were unfounded and he returned home without incident.”

Of course, VY now denies he was ever depressed, enlisting the services of noted PR guru VY’s mom to defend him:

Felicia Young [VY's Harvard educated mother] said told The Tennnessean her son doesn’t want to play and is hurting “inside and out.”

“What would you think, if you were tired of being ridiculed and persecuted and talked about and not being treated very well, what would you do?. He may not want to deal with it [all], but you have to get to that point before you make that decision [to quit] first.”

Persecuted …

VY does not equal Mandela. He gets paid serious jack to throw more than 20 touchdowns in 29 career starts. MLK was persecuted. Medgar Evers was persecuted. Bobby Bonilla was persecuted. VY is booed because he absolutely sucks as an NFL quarterback. Vince’s PR brigade doesn’t stop there. Apparently, he has paid Al Eshbach and other members of the Oklahoma City media top dollar to diddle his flesh rocket.

The past two days, these blind and illiterate idiots who work for WWLS-OKC defended the worst starting quarterback in the NFL by yelling incessantly into the mic. Using witty and well-researched phrases such as “YEAH, UHHH, EVERYONE SAID HE WAS GOING TO BE A STAW!!!” Al vehemently argued VY is/was a great quarterback.

“HE HAD ONE BAD YEAW!!! HE NEEDS SOME STAWS AROUND HIM!!! CHRIS BEHMAN SAID HE WAS DESTINED FOR STAWDOM!!!”

He had one good game against OU during the Bomarball era. Otherwise, he wasn’t any good against decent OU defenses. And his NFL stats are gangreness. “Superstar” quarterbacks with better stats the last two years:

Kurt Warner (16 starts – 89.6 rating, 33 TDs, 23 picks, 4,794 yards passing)

Jon Kitna (32 starts – 80.4 rating, 39 TDs, 42 picks, 8,276 yards passing)

Rex F’ing Grossman (23 starts – 70.2 rating, 27 TDs, 27 picks, 4,604 yards passing)

Jeff Garcia (19 starts – 95 rating, 23 TDs, 6 picks, 3,749 yards passing)

J.P. Losman (23 starts – 81.5 rating, 23 TDs, 20 picks, 4,255 yards passing)

Rex Grossman, J.P. Losman, and a 54-year-old Kurt Warner are all markedly better quarterbacks than VY. I hope Vince is paying you boys at WWLS well. Otherwise, that schlong nearing your mouth is just a schlong, and not a business venture.