CFA, Bees & ‘86 GMC Doom RDKer

As you may or may not know, we hooked loyal RDKer “Brown” up with “backstage access” to ESPN College GameDay at the Cotton Bowl Saturday. This was facilitated through pollo-cooker Chick-fil-A.

While we warned him that we weren’t quite sure what to expect and told him we weren’t liable for any suckassedness, RDK is still disappointed to find out that’s exactly what it is. Complete suckassedness.

But instead of trying to retell the tale, we’ll provide you with Brown’s first-person account of his OU-Texas weekend in Dallas.

Weak: /wik/ Pronunciation Key – [week] Pronunciation Key –adjective, -er, -est.
1. not strong; liable to yield, break, or collapse under pressure or strain; fragile; frail: a weak fortress; a weak spot in armor. 2. lacking in bodily strength or healthy vigor, as from age or sickness; feeble; infirm: a weak old man; weak eyes.
Put an “Effin” in front of it and there’s not a more fitting word to describe my entire my trip to Big D, my ESPN Gameday access and my entire sports weekend. Let me preface this by saying that the week started off extremely well.

I had won a Natural Light ping pong table (yeah Natural Light sucks ass, but it’s a free ping pong table), I had found OU/TX tickets at face value, my wife was going for the first time in 13 years (and she parties), and last but not least, the good guys at RDK presented me with backstage access to ESPN Gameday. Life was good!

That is until Thursday’s trip home from work. On I-35 headed south to Norman from downtown, I come to a stop due to traffic and start contemplating how well this week has gone and UT’s impending doom on Saturday. I swear the screech from the tires behind me lasted 8-10 seconds before I was struck from behind and catapulted into the car in front of me.

As I get out of my car (Xterra), I cringe at the thought of the damage done when I see an ‘86 GMC pickup hauling a double-length horse trailer behind it. SHIT!! Anyway, I’m guessing around $2500 after all is said in done. Other than some neck and shoulder stiffness the next day, it appears I will live.

I wasn’t about to let it spoil the trip. Get down to Dallas, check into hotel, party with my buds, do the wife, hit the sack, wake up, GAMETIME!!!! Make it to the fair grounds in less than 15 minutes through my secret backroad route, walk into the fair, haven’t taken 30 steps and I get stung by a bee on the back of my neck. SHIT!!

My wife and I find the triage area and I get a benadryl and some numbing spray, good to go. Of course the triage area is on completely the other side of the fair from Gameday. We trek thru the masses to the Gameday area and my instructions were to find the Chik-fil-A tent and ask for Jennie. As we approach, there are 2 teenage girls standing in the tent with a miniature Plinko board that anyone can come up and play to win one of a slew of cheapass prizes.

There was a little stuffed CFA cow, a CFA “rally towel”, a t-shirt, or a coozie. So I ask for Jennie and one of the teenie-boppers flags down some dude, who, in turn, tracks down Jennie. She comes over in all her corporate looking CFA garb and introduces herself and thanks us for coming down.

After about 10 seconds of uncomfortable silence, she busts in with, “Well, this looks like this is going to be the best Gameday ever! I’ve never seen this many people here!” I knew then it was gonna suck. She small talks us for about another minute before telling us to wait there, she had something for both of us. She proceeds to go back behind the barricade and brings us back two gift bags containing one of each of the cheapass prizes they were giving out to everyone a the tent. Lucky us.

That was it. Nice to meet you, have a nice day. There was nothing “backstage” about it. I thought at worst, we would get to hang in some tent with some CFA food and sodas. Nope, nadda, zilch. Thanks for coming and picking up your goodie bag. We chunked them in the trash not 15 minutes later. There was nothing worthy of me wasting space on the memory stick in my digital camera.

And then the game happened.

(In an unrelated note, I then got to watch my beloved Bears on Sunday score the go ahead TD against the Falcons putting them up 20-19 with 11 seconds left. 11 SECONDS!!!! One squib kick, 30 yard pass, and FG later, Bears lose 22-20. SHIT!!

So despite the shitty weekend happenings, I still give RDK their props and thank them for the opportunity. Not their fault CFA sucks ass! Forever a loyal RDK’er!

So, there you have it. The one time RDK tries to sell out, the one time we waste valuable beer-drinking minutes for a loyal RDKer. As he said, no “backstage access,” no free food, no hot girls dressed as cows (shut up, it’s my own fetish). Nothing. We certainly owe Brown a beer or two during the Kansas game on Saturday. We certainly do.