My friends are always asking how I snagged such a fine woman and made her my wife. I like to tell people its my boyish good looks.
Others are convinced my wife “won” me in some after-school volunteer program. My mom tells me it’s because I was such a good boy when I was a kid. My brother tells me it’s because she’s a fem-bot like those hotties in Austin Powers or that little girl from Small Wonder.
Really, I just followed the lead of Ohio University basketball player Maurice Pearson:
Sophomore Maurice Pearson, 18, was found guilty of aggravated menacing and assault last Thursday, after shooting two Delta Gamma Sorority members with an Airsoft gun on the second floor of James Hall Sept. 24.
Airsoft gun is a gun that shoots at low velocities with soft pellets.
Mo was simply following my guide on how to woo a DG. No harm, no foul. That’s my mantra. Besides, those DG’s love to play hard-to-get. They love it even more when you shoot them with rubber pellets. And by rubber pellets … I mean bullets made out of rubber shot from an air rifle.
What did you think I meant, sickos?
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