As you may have heard last week, some evildoers raided the OSU locker room and “borrowed” a handful of random items. A player’s helmet. Some Dez Bryant gloves. Zac Robinson’s wrist band. We’re here to come clean, RDKers. It was us. We’re not sure who the three choads are that they have in custody, but we’re the masterminds behind this devious plan.
Since the inception of the Big 12, Gravy and I have been collecting oddities/novelties from football and basketball locker rooms. At first it was just a small item here or there. But soon our hobby became an obsession. We were hooked. And we couldn’t stop. Year after year, we pillaged and plundered through equipment rooms, lockers, offices and training facilities Today, by providing you with the complete list of our loot, we admit our guilt.
1996
Ernie Abercrombie’s shoe lifts
John Blake’s jogging suit
1997
Donovan McNabb vomit towel
Gana Joseph’s extensions
1998
“Music & Lyrics” by Patrick Fletcher
First draft of “The Five-Quarterback System” by John Blake
1999
Amhed Kabba’s “8 balls”
Michael Thorton’s crutch
2000
Nothing … still in disbelief
2001
Hunter Wall’s pager
Odd ACME dynamite sticks at OU-KSU game
Brent Rawls’ BMX
2002
Handful of Jason White ligaments
Nate Hybl’s sand wedge
OU’s last BCS trophy (currently in Gravy’s garage)
2003
Les Miles’ tiny hat
“Where in the World is Jejuan Rankins?” DVD
2004
A vial of Adrian Peterson sweat (don’t laugh, it’s worth billions now)
A vial of Matt Leinart sweat (laugh, it’s worthless)
2005
Rhett Bomar’s time card
J.D. Quinn’s copy of “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish”
2006
Paul Thompson’s comb
Malcolm Kelly’s codeine cough syrup (i.e., Purple Drank)
Gorgon Reise’s Lasik appointment reminder
2007
Demarcus Granger’s coat
One wing, one drum from Bobby Reid
Naked pictures of Chase Daniel’s sister
2008
Josh Jarboe rap video (oops)
Malcolm Kelly’s indoor cleats
Tim Tebow-autographed Bible
2009
Dez Bryant’s gloves
Zac Robinson’s wrist bands
Erin Andrews peephole video (don’t ask)
12 Comments Received
September 23rd, 2009 @10:28 am
Since I corrected Rover last week, gotta tell you that it’s “vial” of AD’s sweat. But it is “vile” that you would keep a “vial” of Leinart’s sweat. AD’s? Perfectly understandable.
September 23rd, 2009 @10:31 am
Fucking classic, Dirt Monkey. The year by year shit was just pure fucking classic.
September 23rd, 2009 @10:36 am
Stop being the grammar police. That is just uncool and douchey. Only old women ex-English teachers and people who wanna point out someone’s every mistake to make themselves feel more important do that.
September 23rd, 2009 @10:41 am
No, Brown’s right. I should haze myself.
September 23rd, 2009 @11:41 am
J_dub8oh, DM obviously knows what you don’t, and that would be that I’m just givin’ him and Rover shit. I’m quite positive I have mistyped many times in the past and will do so again in the future. This is all in jest after I got called out by DM and GT for mispelling Capel’s name last year. So before you start acting all “uncool and douchey” by talking shit about something you came in on the middle of, you might want to check yourself at the door first. But thanks for “policing” what I’m posting on RDK.
September 23rd, 2009 @12:33 pm
I don’t see it on the list, so I’m wondering who stole Sugar’s flower?
I “like/am okay with” being corrected. Since the old gears started slipping I can use all the help I can get to be more attentive to detail. And being as it is a site with a certain levity to all things, I always assume all this is good-natured ribbing.
September 23rd, 2009 @12:45 pm
That artwork is fucking genius.
September 23rd, 2009 @12:54 pm
Sugar’s only 17, so she wasn’t in Norman then.
September 23rd, 2009 @12:54 pm
precisely Rover, precisely
September 23rd, 2009 @4:42 pm
If policing the grammar was all in good fun, by all means, continue. I apologize.
September 23rd, 2009 @7:21 pm
I have pillaged the locker room before..in 2003. Obtained Jason White’s OU shorts and Dusty Dvoraceck’s OU sweat shirt.
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