Ask A Ho: Killing My Lil Helper

Red Dirties,

This week’s question is something that worries me on a biweekly-to-daily basis. I promise it’s not me ghost-asking the question. This is a real, live question that came from a real, live reader. Promise.

Dear Sugartits,

So, I’ve got an issue. I don’t know that it’s an issue, but I’m afraid it is. See, I may have worn out my … friend. My special battery-powered friend. I’ve had it for just over 6 months. And it’s not the batteries. I change those. I think I killed it.

Am I addicted? Am I crazy?

Love,

McLove my Friend

Dear Dildo Dependent,

Wowza. I don’t know that I’ve ever met someone to blow through a vibrator in less than 2 years. Bravo. I’ve heard of some of my friends busting through batteries every few weeks, but you killed the whole thing? That poor bastard, he never saw it coming. (Pun? Intended.)

Listen, Miss Vibrator-Happy, there’s nothing wrong with taking full advantage of God’s gift to women (no, not control top pantyhose). Had a bad day at work? It’s less calories than a pint of ice cream. Had a bad date? Better than crying to yourself. Great date that left you hanging? Better than jumping the gun too early.

Drunk and horny? Better than dialing the booty call that will end in an awkward goodbye and itchy vadge. Tuesday? Better than going to bed watching Grey’s Anatomy reruns.

You’re not crazy. You’re not addicted (unless you’re doing it at work and at red lights …).

Think about it. I’m convinced guys do it hourly. Even if DM won’t admit it, I bet he did it three times while writing today’s column, and GT did it twice before he got out of bed. And they’ll both do it two more times today.

And why is it less acceptable if we do it? Why is it more taboo? Seriously, I don’t understand it. Someone please explain it to me. And let me know if you need a new one. I’ve got a girl that sells the best one ever. TRUST.

C U Next Thursday,

SugarTits

Come on, twitter me, baby. ST_RedDirtKings. Ooh, twitter me again.

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