Ask A Ho: Richard Pryor E-Dating II

Red Dirty Babies,

So, two weeks ago we left my hottie work friend and her creeper online stalker dater, she had replied to his list of 10 questions with a benign “those are some crazy questions” response.

It was all fun and games until someone writes a poem.

…a Lord of the Rings poem at that.

From Richard Pryor E-dater:

“I have been thinking about what I could say to inspire you to accept my outstretched hand; I would like to meet you.  So, LOL, being the romantic I am, I wrote you this ode.  It is an ode, not a poem. it’s a different kind of introduction…let’s just travel off to the land of ledged and myth… :)

“One Ring to Rule Them All—

In the Land where dragons dwell—
Where dwarves delve
And elves fly, there remains…
Where Hobits roam—
From black riders,
And Gollum cries, there remains…

One Ring to Rule Them All—

In the land where beauty glows—
Where choices come
And moments flow, there remains…
Where Desires beckons—
From ancient lore,
And others try, there remains…

One Ring to Rule Them All—”

The poem, no, excuse me, the ode, goes on for another six stanzas.  I don’t have the strength or the gag reflex to continue. Seriously, you can’t make this shit up.

Hottie co-worker decided that it was high time to start fucking with this crazy.  She put away her nice-girl panties and threw on her hotter, lacier mean-girl panties.

Here was her reply:

“After reading your Ode to me, I have decided to respond in the only love language I know: Elvish,  Loremasters discovered many amazing things about the Elvish languages, not the least being the deep relationship between Elvin tongue and the spoken syllables of magic. This is a poem, not an Ode.  This poem is called Jewel of the Tree of Life, but in the Elvish language, it is called ELHEIMARIN AR ELAS-CWENYARIN EDAR.

Undu ar alpelinor
Surinen tumboras ilyen
Inicaithe tironapen
Gayan arme hinatan-
Merarsilarin ealaste inumwe
O rihelm an lairgetar an quessen silan olwe

Translation:
Down the airy mountain
Through the rusty glen
We daren’t go a-hunting
For fear of little men-
Good folk bright folk trooping all together
With red cap, green coat and white owl feather

Your topics seem a little one-sided. Regardless, I would like you to also choose three topics you’d most likely be able to converse about for at least 5 minutes.

1.    Gummy-anything
2.    Piccolos piccolos piccolos
3.    Pandogs
4.    Recycling is a scam
5.    Kevin Costner movies
6.    The phrase: “it’s a crab shoot”
7.    Fat people
8.    Mac or windows
9.    Body hair or lack of as it relates to intimacy
10.    Top 5 favorite colors of all time
11.    Collecting wizard trading cards and/or summoning charms
12.    Carrying cosmetics in your pocket for your special someone

I hope you are willing to travel into the land of magic and wonder with me…”

At this point, hottie co-worker had half the department crowded around her computer. (It was my bright star of inspiration and total awkwardness that made her add the elvish poem … you’re welcome.)

Moral of this story: Dating is scary as shit anywhere you look.

C U Next Thursday,

SugarTits

Come on, twitter me, baby. ST_RedDirtKings. Ooh, twitter me again.

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