Ask A Ho: Want to E-Date Richard Pryor?

Red Dirties,

There have definitely been times where I’ve been so desperate for a lay date, that I’ve considered powering up the old Internet machine and creating a Match.com profile, or a JDate.com, or a Crazy-Bitches-Seeking-Sugar-Daddy.com, or CreepersAndKillers.com.

So when the (super hot) chick I sit next to at work took a dating bullet and put a profile up on Match, I knew there would be endless crazies chomping at her bits.

Oh, and was I right.

The very first e-mail she got was a Richard Pryor (pre-fire, but plus 20 years) look-a-like from Denver. According to his profile, he’s run for congress twice (like I’d vote for someone who lit himself on fire while freebasing … or his doppelganger), likes community theatre and “purposefully esoteric questions.”

Crazy offers to fly my friend to Denver for a day, pay for everything and the piece de resistance, take her to the Denver community theatre of Annie. (Sign me up!).

He sent her a list of 10 questions that she needed to be prepared to talk about at dinner.  Yes, for real.

LOL! So here are your 10 esoteric topics:

1. The Day President McKinley was shot.
2. The last man to walk of the Apollo program to walk on the moon.
3. The Battle of Antietam and what it meant.
4. The movie the “Birth of a Nation” and Woodrow Wilson
5. The Play Barefoot in the Park
6. The comparison of the premises of the movies “Hitch” and “What do Women want.”
7. The Han and Roman Empires are similar because?
8. All Things James Madison, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams.
9. Agrippina The Elder
10. C.S.Lewis’ book “Screwtape Letters.”

I suggested she send this back:

1.  The Day President McKinley was shot.
Don’t care.

2. The last man to walk of the Apollo program to walk on the moon.
Wasn’t really a man, but an alien disguised as a man.

3. The Battle of Antietam and what it meant.
As a result of the battle of Antietam, the Aunts and the Ants of the world were given their civil rights.

4. The movie the “Birth of a Nation” and Woodrow Wilson.
That movie was raciest. Are you raciest?

5. The Play Barefoot in the Park.
Paul Simon made a Robert Redford robot to star in the 1967 movie. It’s true,  my uncle told me.

6. The comparison of the premises of the movies “Hitch” and “What do Women want.”
Both those movies are gay. Do you have the gay?

7. The Han and Roman Empires are similar because?
The Holy Roman Empire wasn’t holy, roman or an empire. Discuss.

8. All Things James Madison, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams.
They were all Masons and out to create a secret society. The government is just a front for their wizardry.

9. Agrippina The Elder
Who the fuck … ?

10. C.S.Lewis’ book “Screwtape Letters.”
C.S. Lewis is a fraud. Because Jesus isn’t real.

Unfortunately (or more aptly, fortunately; the subsequent letters are WAY amazing) she sent a nice, cordial response. So, my little Red Pumpkins, I promise to keep you posted on my friend’s online dating adventure.

I’ve seen his reply, and it’s amazing.

C U Next Thursday,

SugarTits

Come on, twitter me, baby. ST_RedDirtKings. Ooh, twitter me again.

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