Last-Minute Costume Advice

Trick-or-treat, bitches. Halloween is only two days away and if you RDKers have put as much effort into your costume as you did the OU/tx Fair Photo Contest submissions, you’re royally fucked.

But here I am to bail your procrastinating asses out again with some guidance to help you with your last-minute costume choices. Check out these costume Do’s and Don’ts.

DON’T: Stereotypical sexy [insert predictable occupation/animal here]

DO: Mix it up by going as something unexpected. Like a sexy/slutty Ross Dress For Less employee

What you’ll need: Ill-fitting clothing from Ross Dress For Less, “Ch-Entay” name badge, 2-inch acrylic nails with intricate designs painted on the thumbs only

DON’T: Collegiate male cheerleader

DO: RDK Douchebag Fan of the Week, preferably a fan of a team we haven’t lost to this season

What you’ll need: Team paraphernalia, shitty attitude, webcam (optional)

DON’T: Balloon Boy

DO: The guy in the field that beat the living hell out of the balloon with a shovel once it landed while you secretly hoped the boy was inside, slightly mangled. What?

What you’ll need: overalls, deflated silver mylar balloon, shovel

DON’T: Dr. Seymour Bush or Dr. Feltersnatch

DO: Dr. House

What you’ll need: Jeans, button-down shirt, sport coat, 5 o’clock shadow, cane, pocketful of Vicodin

DON’T: Injured Sam Bradford

Just because it’s easy to put on an OU shirt and an arm sling doesn’t mean

you should. And it won’t come off as a “tribute” no matter how hard you try to sell it. Ever. Just don’t. It hurts too much.

DO: Tim Tebow Martyr

What you’ll need: Gators shirt, load-bearing wooden cross, nails, morphine

Hope this helps. Not that it really matters. We all know that no matter what costume you end up choosing, it’ll have the prefix “Pukey-drunk” added to it by the end of the night.

P.S. Watch for razor blades in the apples!