Durex Weekly Wrap-Up

So Signing Day came and went. And then The Dooshnoozle of the West “offered” a scholarship to a 13 year-old quarterback from Delaware.

Think back to your days as a 7th grader. Trying to clear your face of zits. Getting a hard on from the smell of Victoria’s Secret. Wanting to bang the princess from Super Mario Brothers 2.

Now think about the badass athletes at your middle school. What are they doing now? Two likely scenarios: 1) trying to provide for their four kids with two food service jobs, or 2) in prison. Lane Kiffin is a re-TARD.

Speaking of Signing Day and assholes, the Aggies of Texas A&M were monumentally pissed that Corey Nelson switched his committment from the Ags and signed with the Sooners on Wednesday. One would think the Aggies would express shock and gratitude that a player committed to that shitass program would express interest in signing with the vastly superior Oklahoma Sooners.

Instead, these East Texas cow-fuckers channeled their inner klansman and spewed vitriol at a kid who an hour earlier was headed to that football wasteland known as Texas A&M. I am certain there was plenty of nut-grabbing and gnashing of teeth. See examples of Aggie class here, here, and here.

Turns out Brittany Murphy died from a (possible) drug overdose. In other news, I am fat.

Hottie Athlete of the Week